


This Love

by callamint



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-05 09:15:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11575035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callamint/pseuds/callamint
Summary: Soulmate AU where you see the world in color after recognizing your soulmate for the first time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate AU where you see the world in color after recognizing your soulmate for the first time. I realize July 19th was the day of Peggy Carter’s funeral, and I’ve been listening to Ryan Adam’s cover of “This Love” and feeling angsty.

July 19th:

The sun beat down, the cheery weather a stark contrast to the way his heart clenched. A bead of sweat dripped down his brow, amongst other places. Bucky tugged at his tie, finding nothing he did made it any more comfortable or his suit any less itchy. He closed his eyes for a second, putting a hand over his abdomen like his therapist had taught him. Inhale, exhale- he focused on the way his body expanded with his breath, until the jitters stopped and he managed to relax the frown that seemed to be permanently plastered on his face.

Sighing, he raised his hand to knock. But the door opened just as he reached for it.

“Hey Buck.” Steve greeted his friend, letting Bucky clap him on the back in greeting. Both his hands were in his pocket, and despite the small smile plastered on his face, his eyes were red.

“Ready? I brought the daisies.”

No words were exchanged during the car ride. A sullen silence hung thick in the air, only broken by the hum of the engine. 

It was empty at the cemetery. Gripping the bouquet, Steve exited the car first.

“Hi Peggy. I can’t believe it’s been a year. You wouldn’t believe the shit that’s happened. No, you probably would. And you would think I’m an idiot for it. You’ve definitely seen crazier, being the founder of S.H.I.E.L.D. and all.” Steve’s voice started to crack, and he felt Bucky pat his arm reassuringly. 

“I think about you a lot,” He continued. “I miss you. I get asked-they even made me film videos telling schoolchildren ‘what would Cap do’… when it’s really always been ‘what would Peggy do.’ I think about how different the past few years would have been if you were here. I’m trying my best, I really am. So thank you. For teaching me, believing in me… for telling me, all those years ago that I was meant for more than this.”

It was quite awhile before he composed himself, laying down the bouquet on her grave, next to the other adornments. 

Cards, small picture frames, a huge pot filled with the lushest, flashiest flowers he’d ever seen… 

“Tony,” Steve muttered, chuckling under his breath. 

Bucky quirked an eyebrow, and Steve pointed at the pot, running his other hand down his beard.

“Oh- sorry. You can’t see it, but those flowers are Tony’s. He created a new species of flower, to get those colors. Named it after her too.” 

Bucky turned to stare at them, but aside from their size they were the same grey color to his eyes as the rest of the flowers.

“Always showing me up,” Steve smiled. “Sometimes I forget, before I came back into either of their lives she had already been his godmother for his entire life…”   
—-   
Sharon, Natasha, and Tony joined them for dinner. Once he was confident Steve wouldn’t be alone, Bucky took the first opportunity he could to retreat to his room.

He loved them. They were the closest thing he had to family. But today had been even more emotionally exhausting than usual, and he sorely needed a chance to be alone.

Lying back that night, recovering from the flood of emotions and memories that had resurfaced that day, he couldn’t help but be grateful that of all the cruel tricks the universe had played on him… he was lucky enough to have never met his soulmate.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t found his soulmate for lack of trying. It was just never on his list of top priorities. It was, however, for HYDRA. And oh, how HYDRA had tried.

He was angry. Volatile. Way too strong and hard to control. That made him dangerous, especially when he had nothing to lose. It was a huge risk, every mission- that the Winter Soldier could possibly run into his soulmate and defect. Having his soulmate in their possession -or dead- would have made their job a thousand times easier.

In the beginning, they exposed him to as many faces as possible, hoping for a flicker of recognition or emotion on his face. But the only face he reacted to was Steve’s, and after thorough testing and torture to make sure America’s Golden boy hadn’t been his soulmate, they eventually gave up. His handler was ordered to follow him, and shoot his soulmate on sight, if he ever encountered them.

Bucky was pretty confident that by now his soulmate was sure to be long dead. It was kind of liberating, in a way. One less worry, one less distraction on missions…

He was slowly easing back into life, and helping with the Avengers. He had taken on his old mantle of sniper- less risk, more distance, and another way to protect Steve without jumping headfirst into the fray so fast.

Today he stood on a rooftop, carefully scanning through the small lens of his rifle. He could see Steve in the distance- in his baseball cap and sunglasses. Slowly, he scanned through the crowd, to make sure everything was as usual. There were civilians walking around, chatting… cafe-goers at the table next to Steve. His eyes darted over a flash of yellow- wait… he choked on his own spit and he almost knocked himself over in the process at the realization.

“Everything okay?” Steve’s voice came through the comms and he grunted a in response, scrambling for the lens again.

Suddenly everything was too bright- too vivid. His brain was overloaded with color, but he knew he had to see you again.

Sure enough, you were the only person in the crowd wearing yellow. It wasn’t even a flattering yellow, but he guessed you wouldn’t have known that. Your head was thrown back in laughter and you were talking with a friend at the table behind Steve.

Bucky’s pupils dilated and he could now hear his heartbeat in his chest.

“Buck?”

“I’m here,” he swallowed.

* * *

The rest of the mission passed without event. The bugs had been planted, and the senator they suspected was meeting with HYDRA was none the wiser. It was normal for him to retreat into his room after a mission, so as soon as the debriefing finished he scurried away. Making his way down the hall was quite a difficult task this time- Bucky forced himself to look straight ahead, even though the loud colors that decked the halls screamed for attention. The tiny mosaic tiles that lined them were vibrant now, the attention to detail and care that went into the decorations even more evident now that he could see color.  
He wondered what the tower looked like before Tony had met Pepper. He was already starting to forget how the world looked before he had seen you.

Bucky’s pulse quickened again when his thoughts flitted back to you. One glance, one moment… he couldn’t have seen you for more than two minutes. And now it was nearly impossible to shove aside the image of you in that yellow shirt.

As soon as he got to his room he bolted his door, did a quick sweep of the room for bugs- a habit he still found useful, and then collapsed facefirst into the bed.

Bucky pulled out his laptop, finger hovering over the on button. It was a gift from Tony, and while he rarely used it outside of work, the thought of finding you on the surveillance from today was so tempting… There were at least four cameras pointed in your direction today. It wouldn’t even be hard.

He snapped the laptop shut, shaking his head as he raked his hands over his scruff.

/No,/ he thought, pulse quickening as he squeezed his eyes shut. He needed to keep you safe. And that meant no one could know he had found his soulmate, even if that meant he would never see you again.

This was a lot harder than he thought. Somehow, having zero information on you just gave his mind more room to wander.

Did you know who he was? Were you looking for him? Were you… were you happy? Oh god, what if you had seen him on the news or at a press conference… and had decided that you didn’t want an assassin to be your soulmate. The thought was heartbreaking, but not that surprising. He deserved this. But you didn’t.

* * *

It was Steve who first noticed the change. No one ever wanted to push, having been through enough trauma themselves. But Bucky had made such progress over the past year, and now suddenly the bags under his eyes reappeared. He hardly slept anymore, instead spending all night in the movie room, rewatching angsty films he had definitely already seen…

Bucky lay on the floor, head propped on his arm as he gazed up at the screen. He loved the Titanic the first time he had seen it, but seeing it in color was a whole other experience. Focusing on the new details as he rewatched things helped distract him. And it was less suspicious than if he had revisited places in the tower he never used to spend time at, staring at everything in wide eyed wonder.

“Hey Buck,” Steve clapped a hand on his shoulder, stretching out on the floor beside him.

“How was training?” Bucky asked, yawning.

“The new recruits are… keeping my hands full,” Steve grimaced.

“So you know how it feels now?” Bucky teased. He turned to look at him, fidgeting under the seriousness of Steve’s gaze. Wow. He had never even noticed how pretty Steve’s eyes were.

“Yeah. I guess I was a handful too back then-“

“You still are,” Bucky snorted.

Steve rolled his eyes, before furrowing his brow. There it was again- the look of concern so heavy it could drag them both through the floor with its weight.

“Uh, is something bothering you,” Bucky coughed, clearing his throat.

“I just wanted to check in on you. I know I’ve said it a million times, but you can talk to me about anything. You’re my best friend.”

“I hope I’m still yours,” Steve joked, when Bucky lay silent, staring at his sleeve.

“Thanks.” Bucky continued playing with his sleeve, pulling lightly at the pilling on his yellow sweater.

“So, yellow your new favorite color?” Steve asked.

Bucky froze like a deer caught in headlights, before tucking his sleeve away and turning to face the other super soldier. He mentally cursed himself. Of all the precautions he had taken… picking out his clothes in the morning wasn’t one of them. He hadn’t even noticed that he was consistently drawn to the one color he had seen you in…

“I-I… asked FRIDAY to arrange my clothes in color order. I’m working through…yellow this week, I guess.”

“No one is here right now,” Steve assured him, voice dropping to a whisper that only another supersoldier’s ears could pick up. “And the movie is too loud.”

“She didn’t see me.” Bucky admitted, clenching his fist.

“What? Did you-“ Steve forced himself to lower his voice again, but the excitement made it hard.

“I didn’t want her to.” Bucky snapped, extinguishing Steve’s enthusiasm.

Steve exhaled slowly, gritting his teeth. “Why are you doing this? You have a shot at happiness here…”

“I’m already happy.”

“But Buck, love-”

“Leads to complications,” Bucky finished for him.

“I know you’re afraid of taking risks and getting hurt,” Steve offered, choosing his words carefully now. “But I think… I think it’s worth it.”

“But you didn’t have a choice.” Bucky countered. “You saw each other, that was the end of the story. Please, let me have this…”

Steve gave a small nod, deciding not to pursue it further just yet.


End file.
